The Rules (These Ones Aren't Meant To Be Broken)

1. Socks with flip-flops or sandals are never acceptable. Ever.

2. Polo shirts should not be worn with jeans.

3. Denim can be dressed up with an oxford shirt and/or sweater.

4. A t-shirt and jeans is acceptable for the following situations, a kick-around day, a ballgame, a country bar, hanging out at the bar. That's about it.

5. Darker or dirty denim is vastly preferable to light or stonewashed denim. Unless you're going to a Poison concert.

6. Sports jerseys should ONLY be worn in the following situations if you're not an athlete, at a game or watching one on tv (at home or in a sports bar).

7. The bottom of a pair of shorts should fall within an inch of the knee, no lower and for the love of all things holy no higher. NO John Stockton's!

8. Your pants should not be as tight or tighter than a womans.

9. There's a reason it's called underwear, it's supposed to be worn under your pants, not in lieu of having them at your waist.

10. Your hair should not be long enough to tie in a pony-tail.

11. If you're going out to go out, the shirt you have on should have buttons. Polos and rugby's are ok, an oxford is even better.

12. The more formal an occasion the less likely the following items are appropriate: flip-flops, t-shirts, sneakers, jeans.

13. The waistband of your pants should be at your waist not above or below.

14. Unless you are older than 40, the following fragrances should never be worn: Polo, Old Spice, Brut (really the last 2 shouldn't be worn by anyone).

15. Any cologne you can buy at a drug store shouldn't be worn.

16. For that matter any perfume you can buy at a drug store shouldn't be given to anyone you remotely respect as a gift.

17. Your socks should either match your pants or your shoes.